Love, Do You Have a Funny Way of Showing It?

Is the honeymoon over...

Perhaps we are trying to communicate our emotional needs – in a roundabout sort of way – get things done around the house or just “save” our husbands from “forgetting” about something that has fallen off their radar, but we may come off as nagging.

Some would say it takes two to tango. But we don’t often hear of nagging husbands because women, experts say, are more conditioned to feel responsible for the smooth running of home and family life. However, this vicious dance can spiral out of control when a naggee retaliates and the nagger feels the need to repeat themselves, yet again, in order to be heard.

Whatever the reason, nagging is an enemy of love, according to the Journal of Family Psychology, and increases the risk of divorce. And the more organized you are, the less you may be able to stop giving those “gentle reminders,” especially if your partner is a “Last Minute Larry.”

How are your communication skills? Do you need help improving them?

Here are some tips that might help:

  • Calm down—both of you. Recognize the pattern you are in and talk about how to address it as a team. You will both need to change your behavior, and ground rules can help.
  • Look at it from the other person’s perspective. ‘Honey, when you ignore me I feel that you don’t love me.’ ‘I feel that you don’t appreciate what I am already doing when you nag me.’
  • If you are the nagger, realize you are asking for something. Use an ‘I’ not a ‘you’ statement. Say ‘I would really like you to pay the Visa bill on time,’ instead of ‘You never pay the bill on time.’
  • Explain why your request is important to you. ‘I worry about our finances when you pay the bill late. We can’t afford to pay late fees.’
  • Manage your expectations. Make sure you are asking for something that is realistic and appropriate. Does the light bulb need to be changed immediately?
  • Set a timeframe. Ask when your partner can expect to finish the task. (‘Can you change the car oil this weekend?’) Let him tell you when it works best for him to do it.
  • If you are the naggee, give a clear response to your partner’s request. Tell her honestly if you can do what she asks and when. Then follow through. Do what you say you will do.
  • Consider alternative solutions. Maybe it’s worth it to hire a handyman, rather than harm your relationship with arguing.

My thanks to Elizabeth Bernstein for sharing these Tips in her Article :

Meet the Marriage Killer ~ It’s More Common Than Adultery and Potentially As Toxic, So Why Is It So Hard to Stop Nagging?

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